Parents who are divorcing have to determine what type of parenting arrangement they’ll utilize moving forward. This determination is often influenced by the relationship between the adults because each approach employs varying standards for communication, compromise and collaboration.
One of the most important considerations when parents are trying to determine what style they’re going to use is how the chosen option will impact their children. The goal of any parenting style should be to do what’s in the children’s best interests so they can thrive despite the challenges of the situation at hand.
Parallel parenting
Parallel parenting involves a strict division between parenting interactions and responsibilities. Each parent makes their own decisions independently about what happens while their children are in their care. In this parenting style, parents have limited communication, most of which is focused on the logistics of getting the children where they need to go. Transition days typically involve quick exchanges, and the parents typically don’t attend functions for children together. Even if they both attend the same function, there’s likely no communication there.
Co-parenting
Co-parenting is a more collaborative approach that’s more like a friendship. It requires both parents to work closely as a parenting team. They make decisions as together about major aspects of their children’s life. Communication is likely very relaxed and frequent. This parenting style is ideal for parents who are willing and able to avoid trying to battle each other. The parents will likely attend events together to show unified support for their children.
Bird’s nest parenting
Bird’s nest parenting requires parents to move in and out of the family home while the children remain there. This removes the need for the children to go through transition days. It’s often a beneficial approach if a child has complex medical needs because the parents can leave the medical equipment in one place and/or keep their children’s environment as stable as possible. This can also be a costly option because the parents have to maintain the “nest” while also each maintaining their own home. If this option is chosen, there should be a comprehensive financial agreement in place regarding the family home.
It’s sometimes possible for parents to create a approach that’s a hybrid of two or more parenting styles. Regardless of what’s decided, the specific terms of the agreement should be detailed in a parenting plan. That plan should also include a parenting time schedule and any conflict resolution terms the parents want to use, so that expectations are clearly defined and enforceable.
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