Consistency is key when adjusting to shared custody

Rule-breaking and emotional outbursts are common as children adjust to a shared custody arrangement. They may act out intentionally due to their emotional frustrations in some cases. Other times, they may unintentionally violate rules or fail to meet expectations because they feel confused about the situation.

Children often have a difficult time adapting to life between two parental households. Teenagers may even notice inconsistencies and use them for their own advantage by playing their parents off one another. Parents working together to keep things consistent can make the adjustment easier for the children.

Why are shared rules and similar household practices so potentially important when parents no longer live with one another?

Consistency creates structure

Children generally need to know what adults expect of them to successfully meet those expectations. Regular reinforcement of the same rules and standards helps guarantee that children know what their parents want them to do and what conduct they should avoid.

Younger children and children with special needs are especially at risk of struggling when they do not understand the rules and schedule for the family. If they must memorize two sets of rules, they are likely to become confused and frustrated. They may struggle to remember which rules apply at what house.

Maintaining the same daily schedule and bedtimes at both homes, enforcing the same household expectations and working together for disciplinary matters can help ensure that children know what they should do and what behavior is unacceptable.

Cooperation breeds an amicable dynamic

Parents transitioning to separate households may view one another as failed romantic partners. That approach fosters resentment and conflict. Parents who set clear goals and who agree on specific rules can perceive each other as teammates, instead of opponents.

Working together to support the children during this difficult time and bring the best out of them can give parents a sense of shared accomplishment that can contribute to a healthier dynamic in the future. Instead of trying to undermine and fight against one another, the parents become a source of support for each other.

Adding the right details to a parenting plan can make it easier for adults to work together cooperatively for the benefit of their shared children. Terms that help to better ensure a relative degree of consistency between households may create the framework for a healthy shared custody situation.